Why Bigfoot hates Anchorman

Bigfoot Talks about why Ron Burgendy has caused him heartache

by Bob-O-F'n-Mac

He has been the most sought out creature in North America, yet still cannot be caught. You have seen Bigfoot go after beef jerky, parodied on the Simpson's, John Landis, and you have seen him talked about in depth on Sightings, but Bigfoot speaks out here about something that has got the big fur ball really angry and has caused him to be angry for quite sometime. Through a chance encounter, I had the pleasure to sit down with the big guy and talk about what has not only hurt his feelings, but what has made him so angry as of late.

So Bigfoot how has life been treating you?

I have been doing good. I recently have overcome an alcohol addiction, found Jesus, and am involved in my kids youth church group. It has been a really good experience for me, and to be honest, has been a blessing from the true big man himself.

That sounds amazing! So no pun intended, what brought you to this neck of the woods?

Truth be told, I brought the youth group down to Colorado to see a beautiful part of the country. In my college years, I spent a lot of crazy nights in this area, and when I wasn't hungover or doing the nasty with some Yeti, I would just sit on a rock and admire the majestic nature that Colorado has to offer. SO I figured with a new soul, I could take the kids out here and they could see the same.

Wow...it sounds like you have done a 180?

Well yeah, I kinda had to...once you have a child its time to grow up. I mean, for years I was chasing the bottle, robbing campers of food and cash, whoring myself out to any camera for my next fix of 'fire water' and I figured it was time to give it up and surrender my life to the Lord. I mean I hit a really low spot, and thanks to God and my wife they pulled me out of it. She has been great. At first it was hard, with me being me, and her coming from a race of nomadic demons that feasted on my family for thousands of years, but once we weren't trying to rip each other heads off, we managed to get along great. She is my best friend. That woman saw me go through my darkest days. The best thing we have done is give our kid a great home.

So...the really question at hand tonight is why were you so upset with the film Anchorman?

Well...before I saw things in a new light, I loved that movie. I mean it was a party movie that could make you laugh in a pool of your own vomit. Its just that Bigfoot comment really bothers me now.

What Bigfoot comment?

The one where they say it smells like Big foot's male member if you know what I mean.

I see...care to explain why?

It just hurts. Everyone thinks of my kind as this beast who wanders the woods, and the truth is, a lot of us are working class folks. When people hear comments like that it just hurts. I mean we take great pride in smelling really good. I know for myself, and by no means am I the spokesperson to the whole Bigfoot community, but its offensive. My kid has to hear comments like that about his father, and as a man-beast, it makes me feel awful. How would you like it if Steve the Twitter Man assumed you write about horror only to make it funny? I'm pretty sure you would be insulted and very angry. I just think everyone involved with that film could take the time to think about other people's feelings. For the record, I want to point out that it(points to male member) smells very good. I bathe two to three times a day, followed by a deep brushing, to ensure my fur has a nice coat to it.

Well I will let you get back to the young ones, but do you have anything else you want to say in closing?

Thank you, and yes I would like to say a few things. First I want to point out that I do not own a twitter or facebook account. The second thing is, make sure you folks continue to visit and support our National Parks. They are treasure, just make sure to clean up your mess. Also remember only you can prevent forest fires, I know its a big responsibility, but every person counts on this one. Take care all of you and God bless.

Occupy Wall Street Protester Ripped to shreds, Wolfram & Hart to blame?

Wolfram & Hart Have a Hand in Occupy Wall Street
by Bob-O-F'n-Mac

Without a doubt, Occupy Wall Street has caused this nation to look at corporate business in a new light. However, there are those in high power that want you to forget about this whole thing and continue on with life. Why you make ask? Well the simple answer is...they have the power to shape the world as we know it. These individuals can't be touched due to the fact that they hide behind a very powerful and mysterious know as Wolfram & Hart. I have found out some very disturbing news in which I would like to share with you about how Wolfram & Hart have been letting chaos thrive during Occupy Wall Street.

So far the death toll has been very low. Most deaths have been due to the weather,(or are they?) but a few middle class citizens have been ripped to shreds, and no one is taking about it. House Majority Leader Eric Candor went on public record to blast this movement, but yet is represented in all legal matters by Wolfram & Hart. As a matter of fact, Wolfram & Hart is a major sponsor to the Tea Party. In documents obtained from a very reliable source, the night one Thomas Harris was sleeping in his tent and mauled by a wild creature after a long day of protesting, Eric Candor was seen leaving Wolfram & Hart's NYC office. It just so happened that not long after the attack, a limo registered to Wolfram & Hart was seen leaving the park area. 

Judy Falcone knew Thomas, and I spoke to her via chat about Thomas and what had happened to him. “He was a very fun and loving guy. He had been unemployed for about 6 months due to some corporate downsizing, and was just wanting to speak his voice. I miss him very much a lot of people around here do.” 

When asked about the night that Thomas was attack she was very hesitant to talk about it, but after explaining to her the truth had to come out she stated, “I was a few tents down from him...I heard a growl of some sort and then out of nowhere a very loud scream. By the time I got up to see what was going on...all I could see is blood all around the the tent and soaked into the grass.” It should be noted that Thomas Harris's body was found about a quarter of a mile away from his tent, his body was ripped to shreds, and his neck had puncher holes in it.

Thomas Harris wasn't the only one who has suffered from these attacks, three unidentified protesters went missing only days later. The NYC Police department has been following up on these cases, but nothing has panned out from their search. The scary thing is that the Commissioner of the NYC Police department, had many funds contributed to him from not only key members of some of the biggest Wall Street firms, but that these firms were all represented by Wolfram & Hart. The thing that is most shocking is the fact that Wolfram & Hart was the biggest contributor to the commissioner's election.

Wolfram & Hart is no stranger to chaos. Most people will recall the events of L.A., that saw major chaos sweep its streets. For no reason ever explained, Wolfram & Hart left its Los Angeles offices and set up a new one in Las Vegas. With people fighting for their jobs(and lives now) Wolfram & Hart needs to be brought to justice. What about Wall Street and Wolf& Hart? How deep in bed are they in with each other? The answer my friends, is very deep. The list of companies represented by the law firm is troubling to say the least. Some of the biggest are as follows: Jefferies; L-3 Communications; SL Green Reality; Transatlantic Holdings; Griffon Corp; IEP; Jarden Corp; IAC/InterActiveCorp. That list is a who's who of Wall Street players, and if not put into check people like Thomas Harris will have died in vain. Wolfram & Hart wont be easy to stop, but I ask you all to do whatever you can to stop them, if not evil(pure evil) will be unleashed on Earth.