Creatures of Death: A Horror Blog: Creature Feature: An Evening with Freddy Krueger

A Special Interview Conducted by Steve Zimmerman &Bob-O-F'n-Mac

As all you ghouls know, we here at Creatures of Death have always tried to expand what horror is and what horror is all about...so when we have a chance of a lifetime to interview Freddy Krueger , we wanted to share it with all of you. However that's not even the best news. It gives me great pleasure to introduce our newest writer to the blog, and his name is Steve Zimmerman. One part sexy man beast, and one part 27 year old Star Trek/Horror Fan virgin, Steve will be conducting interviews and other articles that will be up from time to time. So please enjoy!

What has Freddy been up to these days?

After the whole Nightmare on Elm St. mess, I cant work customer service anymore. I got a good gig working as Lady Ga Ga’s fashion advisor now, very hush hush.

How do you feel about the fact that you have been labeled a child molester?

No comment….You know what I am gonna comment, that little b@!$h said she was 18 and had a fake I.D.

How do you feel about the other Freddy that exists our there?

Well after I announced my retirement I knew they would be looking for another Freddy. My first thoughts were, GOOD LUCK YOU HOLLYWOOD BASTARDS. I didn’t realize when they found the Freddy impostor, exactly how much the media would get off my back. He has been taking most of the heat from me and my wife lately. I do occasionally get a reporter out to the ranch for an interview…but I usually CUT that short pretty quickly. As in I cut them, and kill them, so the interview stops pretty quickly.

What were your thoughts on the remake?

Well I'm a little surprised on the tale they got to appear in this one. I know there have been allegations of New Freddy’s sexual preferences, and I have my doubts as well. In my day the women looked like Dee Snyder’s wardrobe diarrhea’d on the screen, now they are all so……savory. Other than that, it was okay, I was also surprised on his take on murder, the first scene for example, have the boy rip a knife across his throat. If you would have put me in the same situation, I would have tied the kid to an old water heater, the type without insulation, and make small but deep incisions in his body and cover his body with vanilla extract in the dream world. In the real world I would have kept him in a coma to prolong the suffering. Did it stay true to the story? Yes. Did it make me want to vomit from the gross murder scenes……..no.

What were your thoughts on working with Johnny Depp?How did it feel to be one of the only people to kill Mr. Depp?

Mr. Depp is a very nice person. Everyday before filming he would bring me a bowl of fresh fruit, mostly mango, and grapefruit. At the end of each day, when he would sleep I would put naked celebrities of his choosing into his dreams. Kind of a give and take relationship. As of being one of the only to KILL him…..well I always said, if you are gonna kill somebody, make them pretty, because nobody cares about dead ugly people.

How do you relax Mr. Krueger?

I like to watch old re-runs of Full House, the Brady Bunch, and compilations of baby videos on YouTube. After I plea--pleasantly walk to my bed I go to sleep….that's it.

What has been your favorite moment so far in your beloved classic film series?

My favorite moment has been when I came on screen as the Freddy Snake as people reference it today. Not many people realize it, but that’s actually behind the scenes footage when Wes thought it would be funny to walk in on me in the shower, hahaha. Good Times.

How many Elm Streets have you lived on?

Just the one, you’d be amazed at how hesitant landlords would be to rent out to mass murderers.

How would describe your battle against the Denver Ghostbusters?

To be honest, it was not a one of the better moments in my career. I was going through one of those cant get out of bed phases. I smoked out of one of them, and yes I meant to word it that way, so they decided to smoke me out as well. As the ashes of my depression left as the wind of a summer day, I couldn’t help but feel……..murderous. I had a new found appreciation on life….and murder, I couldn’t contain myself, so they decided to do it for me. They were used to pussies like Casper. To be honest, Casper is to me as Justin Bieber is to John Wayne Gacy. After a quick tussle with the Ghostbusters, I was put in that damn containment box…..or so they thought. If you were to watch the alternate ending or THE REAL ending, you would have seen they went to the door, and instead of girl scouts, I gutted them like last night’s catch. Ever wonder why I’m here, and they’re not? It’s simple mathematics.

Who was tougher to fight? Ash ,from Evil Dead, or Jason?

Fighting Jason was only hard, cuz the bastard sleeps about as much as Obama “Changes”. Other than that he was easily manipulated, but that ash…..f@!#$%g ash. I mean, physically he was tough, but he just went ON and ON AND ON, never shutting up. Not to mention that cleft. Who has a cleft that huge, looked like Roseanne Bar was bending over on his face for crying out loud. After I got back from that Deadite realm, I had to stop pulling punches. When all was said and done, ash and I became good friends. In fact we still play poker ever Tuesday morning. He refuses to play with me close to his sleep time.

Name game: Tell us what comes to mind when these names come to mind?

Frank West?

The Batman of the zombie world