Catching Up With The Creature from The Black Lagoon

by Steve Zimmerman & Bob-O-F'n-Mac

We here at Creatures of Death had a once in a lifetime chance to catch up with a a true legend in the monster community last week, and today we present to you an interview with the legendary monster himself, The Creature From The Black Lagoon.

So good evening…do you prefer Gil-Man or Mr. Creature?

Actually I was born Gilbert Aguando, but Gil-Man is good too.

What have you been up to these days?

Well until a few months ago I was working on my biography. My agent told me that since it was coming out the same time as Justin Beibers, it wouldn’t rate in the numbers that we would hope for. I’ve just been coaching the Brazilian Swim team for the 2012 Olympics. We are looking pretty good.

So who approached who about bringing Creature From The Black Lagoon to the big screen?

Nobody did. My EX friend Arthur Ross and I were originally writing the first attempt at my biography, and after we finished I stopped hearing from him , and the rough drafts went missing. A few years later I watched a movie that had my home town in the title, and thought “What the heck”. The next thing I know I’m watching my Junior High summer on the damn big screen. I went out like a bitch. I was in grad school at the time, and needless to say I couldn’t live it down. I tried to sue him, but since they changed my name and death, I had no real case.

Where you nervous about being labeled a Universal Monster?

It’s not as bad as it seems. Just like Casey Anthony, your advertisement Sky Rockets, and since I only killed whiny scientists, people didn’t give me such a bad reputation.

How was your experience on the Munsters? Do you think it was unfair that you were not featured more?

It was fun. As for being feared, not that important, it was paying the bills, and still got me laid.

What was your favorite moment during Creature from the Black Lagoon?

On screen it was when I killed the entire camp before Kay and Dr.Maia got there. I remember Roberto, good guy, he is the one that actual catalyzed the situation. I was taking a nap in the river when I realized I was getting shit on, literal human shit. So I get up, walk to the camp, and say “Who the fuck shit on me?”, and those rude bastard just sat there and screamed like THEY were the victims. Then they opened fire, and I had to do what a Gil-man had to do. Off screen is when I got drunk and dry humped a pirannha………she said she was gonna call.

Did you feel as if you were cock-blocked a lot by the leading male characters in your film?

I do. If I wanted her dead, lets face it, she would have been 10 shades of deceased before we left the ship. I had a fantastic layout for dinner in the Lagoon. I had my friend Abe Sapien play Moonlight Sonata. It was gorgeous. Then that cock blocking bastard decides to just JUDGE my intentions. Not only did the whole ship destroy my chances with her, but they are all racists. Never once trying to hear me out. I was the victim of a hate crime. *Tears begin to well up* that’s all I have to say….about that.






So it’s common knowledge you enjoy blondes…what human girl was your favorite? Is your sexual preference girls still? 


My favorite human girl is a three way tie between Hilary Duff, Kesha, and Betty White. Hilary because, she is the one I have the best chance with. Kesha because she already lives in a pit of filth. Betty White because we have relatively similar skin texture.


In Revenge of the Creature, Clint Eastwood had an appearance in it…did you get a chance to spend time with Clint? 


Well I didn’t get much face time with him. At the time Clint wasn’t a big name in cinema. I do remember playing poker with him and few members of the cast. I had three aces and 2 kings. The pot was up to $6.20. It came to just him and me. I tried to syke him out by saying, “You better feel lucky punk”, and when we showed our cards he won with a royal flush.

When shooting the 3^rd film…were you trying to showcase to the world the diversity of your character by wearing a suit and being more human? Do you think your race would be mad at you for trying to be more human?

Well my mother wasn’t happy about it, saying “your not being true to yourself”, a few others would say I pulled a Micheal Jackson. My dad was happy though, he said “The worst thing you could do is marry one of our people son…trust me, look at your mother.” As for diversity, it was rough not swimming, cooking food, not fertilizing the eggs at the store, and having a designated place to use the restroom. I had to research humans for a good 3 months before we could start filming.

What does The Gil-Man like to do on Halloween?

I like to take a trip to the coral reef. Us aquatic animals all know that’s the place to go. All those females dressing all slutty, and getting drunk.

What are some of your favorite bodies of water to take a dip in?

Walrton lives there, also known as the lock ness monster. He doesn’t look a thing like the picture, he looks more like me if anything, he got real down when the first pics of him came up. I said the camera added at least a couple dozen tons.

Where you disappointed in the lack of interest your musical had at Universal?

I had no part in the musical, I passed that role on to my little sister Giliana. She needed a break in her career, and Hugh Hefner wouldn’t respond to her resume’s and letters. So I gave her the lead, but she never forgave me since it was quote “A career killer”.

What would you say your legacy on film is?

My legacy film would have to be the first one. Although it was my life story stolen by a forgotten friend. It really gave people the feel for my peoples hardships in today's all human world. In my story I didn’t turn into the swan, I was a duck that turned out to be a warthog in a sense. Does that mean I cant be loved? 

How would you rate your action figures?

The best.

Did you have any problems with the other monsters at Universal/ If so which ones and why?

Wolf-Man and I constantly butted heads over who was the half human bread. I said I was obviously because I breath underwater, and can swim for miles. He can sniff asses, and eat shit without shame.

If the remake ever is done…will you watch it? Be a part of it?

I was asked to be the head of casting, and I think if they do it, I will try to play a cameo if possible.

Name game?

The makers of Viva Pinata asked if they could use my likeness for their next game, “Awesome Possum”, I declined.

Universal Studios? 






















Career

The Wolf-Man? 


Poodle

Bettie Page or Veronica? 

Bettie

The Monster Mash? 


Get drunk


Mermaid?

Freaks


DVD or Blu-ray?


8 track


Jaws?


My cousin Sal


Piranha 3D?

Cindy and the family...was an ex of mine...she bit too much!


The Titanic?


Touching


Eddie Munster?

Party Animal


Freddy Krueger?


Pussy


The Ghostbusters?


Hacks